Sports Rubbish

2012 Summer Olympics to look more like 1984

Jonathan Sacks — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 22:23:49 +0000

Picture this: Michael Phelps goes to watch Usain Bolt run in the 100m Final at the 2012 Olympics in London. Bolt shatters the World Record. Phelps tweets, “What a run by Bolt!”.

Under the draconian rules set by the International Olympic Committee (IOC) and the Games organizers Locog, Phelps could be punished for merely tweeting about another athlete.

Via The Guardian, here are the rules imposed on athletes, fans, and companies:

Banned during the Games: What the rules say

Athletes don’t …

• Blog about your breakfast cereal or energy bar if it’s not an official sponsor – in Games Period all endorsement is banned.

• Post video clips from inside the athletes’ village to your blog or Youtube. No audio or video content from inside any Olympic venue can be uploaded to any site.

• Tweet “in the role of a journalist”. Athletes “must not report on competition or comment on the activities of other participants”.

Non-sponsor companies and businesses don’t …

• Say: “Supporting our athletes at the 2012 Games!” or “Help us make it a Gold 2012!”

• Use images that suggest an assocation with the London Olympics.

•Offer tickets as part of a promotion.

Crowd members don’t …

• Upload a clip of William and Kate tripping up the steps of the Olympic stadium to Youtube: “A Ticket Holder may not license, broadcast or publish video and/or sound recordings, including on social networking websites and the internet.”

• Post your pictures to Facebook – this may fall under the same restriction.

• Take part in an ambush marketing stunt, “including, for the avoidance of doubt individual or group ambush marketing”.

To some extent, a few of the rules make sense. Companies that aren’t associated with the Olympics shouldn’t be able to piggyback off of those trademarks. Visitors shouldn’t be able to broadcast on their own from inside venues. Still, a pub should be able to say that they are showing the Games on TV, and fans should be able to take photos to record their memories.

In this era where everyone has the ability to take photos, video, or write from anywhere in the world, the restrictions on fan photography are severe, not to mention unenforceable. The police in London will have far bigger considerations to worry about during the Olympics, such as morons floating around in the Thames.

The athlete restrictions are even worse. The majority of competitors struggle to get funding, relying on corporate sponsors while working other jobs while they train. To ban them from talking about companies who supported them along the way (and are not official Games sponsors) makes their lives even more difficult.

The Olympics are supposedly about the athletes. Yet with rules like these, it’s clear that it’s only about the money for those in charge.

Olympics 2012: branding ‘police’ to protect sponsors’ exclusive rights [The Guardian]
London’s dystopian Olympics: criminal sanctions for violating the exclusivity of sponsors’ brands [Boing Boing]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Jose Canseco kills Al Gore on Twitter

Jonathan Sacks — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 00:04:48 +0000

The Twitter feed of Jose Canseco is fantastic, but he took his unique brand of crazy, troll-worthy commentary to a new level by killing Al Gore this afternoon.

al gore was a head of his time .i miss him rest in peace buddy hug for u

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 28, 2012

“Jose Canseco ‏ @JoseCanseco
al gore was a head of his time .i miss him rest in peace buddy hug for u”

I have no idea either… my only logical conclusion is that Jose Canseco just watched Futurama and was missing Al Gore’s head-in-a-jar.

At any rate, thank you, Al Gore, for creating the Internet so Jose Canseco could someday tweet prematurely about your death on it.

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Borat’s Kazakhstan national anthem accidentally played for gold medal winner in Kuwait (video)

Jonathan Sacks — Sat, 24 Mar 2012 15:59:02 +0000

Ah, the pride of winning a gold medal for one’s country and getting to hear your national anthem played. It’s an experience any athlete looks forward to, except for those from Kazakhstan. They will spend the rest of their lives fearing what will actually be played, thanks to Sacha Baron Cohen’s “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.”

Kazakhstan’s Maria Dmitrienko was on the medal stand at the Arab Shooting Championship (AKA Congressman Peter King’s favorite sporting event of the year) when the Kuwaiti hosts played Borat’s fake national anthem instead.

Here are Borat’s Kazakhstan national anthem lyrics:

Kazakhstan greatest country in the world.
All other countries are run by little girls.
Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium.
Other countries have inferior potassium.

Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool.
It’s length thirty meter and width six meter.
Filtration system a marvel to behold.
It remove 80 percent of human solid waste.

Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place.
From Plains of Tarashek to Norther fence of Jewtown.
Kazakhstan friend of all except Uzbekistan.
They very nosy people with bone in their brain.

Kazakhstan industry best in the world.
We invented toffee and trouser belt.
Kazakhstan’s prostitutes cleanest in the region.
Except of course Turkmenistan’s

Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place.
From Plains of Tarashek to Norther fence of Jewtown.
Come grasp the might phenis of our leader.
From junction with the testes to tip of its face!

And here’s what should have been playing for the real Kazakhstan national anthem:

Sky of golden sun,
Steppe of golden seed,
Legend of courage -
Take a look at my country!

From the antiquity
Our heroic glory emerged,
They did not give up their pride
My Kazakh people are strong!

Chorus:
My country, my country,
As your flower I will be planted,
As your song I will stream, my country!
My native land My Kazakhstan!

The way was opened to the posterity
I have a vast land.
Its unity is proper,
I have an independent country.

It welcomed the time
Like an eternal friend,
Our country is happy,
Such is our country.

So yeah, slight difference.

To be fair to Kuwait, it’s not like people in Kazakhstan are able to get their own national anthem correct. Earlier this month, a ski event in Kostanay, Kazakhstan was kicked off with Ricky Martin’s “Livin’ La Vida Loca” instead.

Mock national anthem from Borat mistakenly played at Kazakhstan medal ceremony (video) [Off The Bench]
Kazakh athlete serenaded by Borat anthem by mistake [FilmDrunk]
Borat anthem stuns Kazakh gold medallist in Kuwait [BBC]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Georgia soccer player Carli Shultis has breakfast smothered, covered in her pants

Jonathan Sacks — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 12:35:15 +0000

I just got back from vacation, only to find myself returning to a freezing apartment. I had left the heat off while I was away, and had no way of warming things up since my building’s heat is only on at certain times of the day.

What does this have to do with sports? Well, had I known about the genius of Georgia soccer player Carli Shultis, my predicament would have been much less of an issue.

According to UGA Police, Shultis went to a campus restaurant and shoved hash browns down her pants. What a fantastic way to stay warm!

The details, from the Athens Banner-Herald:

Shultis, 19, was arrested by UGA Police and charged with theft by shoplifting Tuesday morning at the Tate Center Bulldog Café. A restaurant employee called police after witnessing Shultis putting hash browns in her pants and then proceeding without paying for them, UGA Police spokesman Lt. Eric Dellinger said.

Police were dispatched at 8:32 a.m., and Shultis admitted to the responding officer she had taken the $1.06 order of hash browns, according to Dellinger.

Shultis was taken to the Clarke County Jail, where she was released that morning on $1,500 bail, according to records.

She didn’t have the $1.06, but she had to have the hash browns. Shultis is awaiting punishment from her team. It’s doubtful she will be asked to bring in breakfast for everyone.

Now that she has me covered on keeping warm… Hey, Carli, do you have any unique ideas for getting over jet lag so I’m not up writing at 4:00 a.m?

UGA roundup: Soccer player’s discipline to be handled by coach after shoplifting arrest [Online Athens]
Georgia Soccer Player Carli Shultis Arrested For Stealing Hash Browns [Busted Coverage]
Photo [Simply Recipes]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Fox Soccer welcomes you to Swansea… England? (Photo)

Jonathan Sacks — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 19:01:00 +0000

Manchester United are visiting Swansea City today, with the match being shown live on Fox Soccer.

Much of the pre-match talk was relating to Swansea being in Wales, but nobody mentioned this little geographical fact to whoever was in charge of the graphics. Or that person just refuses to recognize any level of Welsh sovereignty. ENNNGALAAND!

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Xfinity, NHL Network team up to bring back the Hartford Whalers (photo)

Jonathan Sacks — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 17:51:40 +0000

I was flipping through my Comcast Xfinity Guide Brought To You By TV Guide this morning when I noticed that the NHL Network was showing a game.

After highlighting the listing, this is what was showing:

Hartford vs. St. Louis?

Someone in the world of cable television decided to bring back the Hartford Whalers, if only for one day. With all of the NHL relocations and rumors of relocations, why the hell not?

The St. Louis Blues did win the game last night, probably because they were facing a team full of players from 1997.

Somewhere in Connecticut, a guy in a Whalers jersey shed a single tear. Nobody in Carolina noticed, since they’re all watching college football.

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Golfer hits hole-in-one, wins weight in the best ham on Earth (photo)

Jonathan Sacks — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 23:05:22 +0000

You should have assumed the photo was going to be of the ham, who wants to look at a golfer?

Scotland’s Elliot Saltman may have missed the cut at this weekend’s Madrid Masters, but his parting gift is so much more magnificent.

On Friday, Saltman hit a hole-in-one on the 204-yard third hole, earning himself his weight in ham. But not just any ham. Cured Spanish ham. Elliot Saltman is going home with 240 pounds of jamón ibérico, which is one of the most heavenly pork products on Earth.

“This is going to last me until next Christmas, never mind this one,” Saltman told Reuters. “I’ve been trying to lose some weight but I’m glad now I’ve not lost that much.”

I went to Spain in February, and I’ll tell you that jamón ibérico is truly one of the finest foods on the planet. Prosciutto is great, and bacon is bacon, but I would not only pick jamón ibérico first, I would pick it second and third as well.

And yes, I just wrote a long essay about various, glorious pig parts on Yom Kippur. You can guess how observant of a Jew I am.

Saltman brings home the bacon in Madrid [Reuters]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Alleged new Miami Marlins logo looks rather suggestive (photo)

Jonathan Sacks — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 22:56:00 +0000

Does anyone else see a woman, spread-eagled, giving the finger?

That’s certainly one way to sell baseball in Miami.

Via The Score & The Big Lead

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Olympic gymnast Paul Hamm charged with drunkenly assaulting cab driver (video)

Jonathan Sacks — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 05:26:55 +0000

Remember Paul Hamm? That gymnast you were subjected to watching while you hoped NBC would show some other sport during the 2004 Olympics? Hamm is currently serving as a gymnastics coach at Ohio State, and he’s been charged with trying to start a new sport: Assaulting a taxi driver and refusing to pay for his ride.

According to Columbus police:

After an argument, Hamm damaged a window of the cab, punched and kicked [the driver].

The driver called police and when they arrived, police said they struggled to get Hamm under control.

In video released by police, Hamm is heard talking with a police officer.

“All the sudden looking at my wallet and I’m looking at a situation, I don’t have my ID,” Hamm said.

The officer then replied, “That’s cause I have it man. You gave it to me less than 5 minutes ago.”

When the officer asked Hamm how many drinks he had consumed, Hamm said he had “probably 8 drinks.”

During the arrest, an officer on the scene used his police radio to call for assistance. The officers tried to gain control of Hamm. Hamm is heard on the video saying, “You guys are so funny. You guys have no idea. I’m going to kill you guys.”

In a world where at least a couple of pro athletes are nabbed for drunk driving every week, it’s great that Hamm knew enough to call a cab. But if drunk celebrities are going to keep attacking Ohio’s transportation operators, eventually we’ll hear about a sloshed Betty White stabbing a blimp pilot.

Former Olympian, Current Ohio State Asst. Gymnastics Coach Arrested After Assault [10TV]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy:

Tennis player Bojana Jovanovski goes to wrong Carlsbad for tennis tournament

Jonathan Sacks — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 04:58:19 +0000

Quick quiz: What state is Carlsbad in?

Some of you who are familiar with Carlsbad Caverns might say “New Mexico”, while Lego aficionados might say “California”. The correct answer, of course is “all of the above”, which is a fact Serbian tennis player Bojana Jovanovski and her travel agent are now aware of.

Following a tennis tournament in Washington, DC, Jovanovski flew to Dallas, then to Albuquerque, then to Carlsbad. Carlsbad, New Mexico, which was a problem, since her next tournament was in Carlsbad, California.

It took a while for Jovanovski to realize her mistake upon arriving in New Mexico.

From the LA Times:

“One man asked me at the airport …’What are you doing here? Are you playing tennis?’ ” Jovanovski said. “I said, “Yeah, it’s a tennis tournament.’ And he said, ‘Here?’ ”

When Jovanovski had trouble locating her cab, she finally got confirmation that she was in the wrong state.

“I was waiting for 15 minutes and nobody comes,” she said. “And I call again, and they say they are at the airport and they are looking for you. I said I am the only person here, how can you not see me?

“At that moment, the girl asked me on the telephone, are you in Carlsbad in California or in New Mexico?”

Jovanovski eventually made it to the correct state, arriving just 30 minutes before her match. She somehow managed to take the first set against Roberta Vinci despite having slept in an airport the night before, with the match finishing 3-6, 6-4, 6-1.

She will have plenty of extra frequent flyer miles, which she can use to get to next year’s French Open in Paris, Texas.

Bojana Jovanovski has a bad travel day and opening match [LA Times]

Other Articles You Might Enjoy: