(Since we’re all just waiting around for the Final Four and MLB, welcome to the most obscure news day ever … )

Vladimir Rulev, a coach with the Russian diving team, got a little too friendly with the locals while in Australia for a competition.

Vladimir reportedly squeezed the breast of a female security guard who was trying to escort his drunk ass back to his hotel room.

Sounds like poor Vladimir can’t hold his vodka. Judging by that picture, I guess the security guard wasn’t too charmed by his youthful good looks and offering of a cheap Rolex watch.

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